the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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