I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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