At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
