You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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