All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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