your parents love me but you hate me
she was so not down for the gang bang
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
