So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
