Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
