i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
