So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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