I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
