fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
