Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
