I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
