jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
