This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
