Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
