i was born a porn star she said
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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