No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Actions speak louder than pants.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
