no, he came in my armpit
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize