At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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