The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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