For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
