We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
