He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
