Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
