Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
