i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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