Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
