i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize