She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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