remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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