My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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