How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
