Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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