I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
