i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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