All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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