Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
