I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
