take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
