never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize