Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
