Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
