she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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