his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
this hospital has no fireball
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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