Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
