A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
