it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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