My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
