there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
