we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
