smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just pee around me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize