haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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