dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
