from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so much tequila, so little girl.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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