just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
