you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
