how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my shit smells like andre
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
