Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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