Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
