my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
