It's Friday. Sex?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
