this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
