Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm at about main and main street
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
