You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
