well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
