Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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