Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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