On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
