So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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