I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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