Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize