WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
