He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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