I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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